Last Week: 10-5
Overall: 59-33

Seahawks @ Cardinals

This is where the 2013 season for the Arizona Cardinals starts to get real ugly…well, as ugly as Carson Palmer, which is pretty ugly. After 1st round draft pick Jonathan Cooper went down before the season, the Cardinals should have known that they had no offensive line. Carson Palmer has no time to pass downfield, no one to throw to downfield (due in large part to Larry Fitzgerald playing through injuries), and no consistent running threat to open things up downfield. That’s a horrible combination considering how Bruce Arians loves attacking in large chunks. Everyone in Arizona supported the decision to bring in Palmer because “at least he’s better than what they had last year.” Is that really the case? Arizona was predictably outmatched by Seattle in this week’s Sloppy Night Football match-up, and Palmer may very well ride the bench if the Cardinals can’t beat the Falcons the next. At the halfway point, it’ll be interesting to see Carson Palmer’s numbers compared to the Kevin Kolb/John Skelton duo in 2012. I don’t expect there to be much of a difference.

Win: Seattle Seahawks

Buccaneers @ Falcons

Both teams need to save a season that isn’t worth saving. Tampa Bay should have already quit on their coach, and the staph infection outbreak in the locker room seems to have expedited Greg Schiano’s exit. Aside from Doug Martin, there’s not a whole lot of offensive talent surrounding rookie QB Mike Glennon. Even with the Falcons absorbing injuries left and right, Atlanta should take care of the Buccaneers in the comfort of their own home. At this point, I think Atlanta’s top wide receiver this week is Harry Seaword…I mean, Harry Douglas. Why shouldn’t the Kansas City Chiefs cough up a 3rd round draft pick for Tony Gonzalez? Because it makes too much sense and NFL teams hate making things interesting. The Falcons are a group of dying birds this season and everyone wants to root for Tony Gonzalez to have one more opportunity to chase a Super Bowl ring with his original team. Atlanta needs to realize they are going nowhere fast without Julio Jones and Roddy White having only one leg.

Win: Atlanta Falcons

Bengals @ Lions

This is a classic mirror game as these teams are reflections of themselves. The Bengals and Lions get uneven play from strong-armed quarterbacks and similarly inconsistent running attacks while relying on a single, unstoppable wide receiver. But the true heart of each team is their defense. Since Detroit should have a fairly healthy Calvin Johnson, expect the Lions to post points at home and put pressure on the Ginger Gunslinger. I like the potential of the Lions to make it to a road playoff game and win it, but I can’t say the same for the Bengals. I don’t trust Andy Dalton and Cincinnati hasn’t shown they can create enough points elsewhere.

Win: Detroit Lions

Bills @ Dolphins

As one of the real stinkers on the Sunday slate, no one cares about the winner aside from those fans in Buffalo and Miami. The Bills somehow have managed to stay competitive with practice squad reject Thad Lewis behind the center, but that luck should run out soon. With Lewis banged up, Buffalo signed Matt Flynn because he needs more money for being a very poor man’s Chad Pennington. Miami is rested coming off a bye week, and the Dolphins need to defend home field against such a poor team. Look for Ryan Tannehill to take off in this game as Miami attempts to re-enter the playoff picture.

Win: Miami Dolphins

Patriots @ Jets

I finally went against the Patriots last week and I lost. It was a game New England had no business winning, but I got burnt nonetheless. This week, I’m anticipating the Jets secondary experiencing a certain burning sensation and New England attempts to regain their offensive confidence. While I hate the Jets, New York has an amazing, talented defensive line that should be able to stifle Stevan Ridley. Ultimately, I just don’t think Geno Smith or the rest of the Jets offense will be able to post enough points to win against a serious Super Bowl contender like New England. Hopefully this game doesn’t come down to the last second like last week though.

Win: New England Patriots

Cowboys @ Eagles

If you don’t have a great quarterback in Fantasy Football, pick up Nick Foles and ride the hot hand. That strategy worked perfectly a few years ago when I rode Josh Freeman to a championship. With Michael Vick still struggling to get and stay healthy, Foles has coordinated Philadelphia’s impressive offensive attack to perfection. While I expect Foles and McCoy to post monster statistics in this match-up, I’m less enthused about Philadelphia’s chances to pull off the win considering their defense has more holes than a Michael Bay movie. Dallas has enough support surrounding Tony Romo to put up 30+ points, which has been a problem for the Eagles. As long as Romo resists a classic crippling interception, the Cowboys should be able to duel with the Eagles and likely pull off the road win. But with all of Dallas’ defensive injuries, I’m going to throw my support behind Foles to make mistake-free football for the win.

Win: Philadelphia Eagles

Bears @ Redskins

I will not be shocked if this is the return of RGIII. I’m not banking on it as I decided to start Nick Foles over RGIII in Fantasy Football. But Chicago has not been the same defense so I can really envision a scenario where RGIII opens up passing lanes by running more. I’m just not sure if the rest of RGIII’s supporting cast is talented enough to take on a well-coached Bears team that is surprisingly well-rounded.

Win: Chicago Bears

Rams @ Panthers

You can’t predict the unpredictable. Right now, both St. Louis and Carolina are completely unpredictable.

“Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the hood.”
– Doughboy

Win: Carolina Panthers

Chargers @ Jaguars

Everyone has decided this is the game the Jaguars will win. I can’t say I completely disagree with that assessment after the fight Jacksonville displayed last week against the Broncos. But that was their Super Bowl…and they still lost by more than two scores. Even if it can blow up in my face, I decided to ride the Chargers by picking up their defense and starting Ryan Mathews in Fantasy Football. Chad Henne will do what he does best, which is get garbage yards and stockpile points after Jacksonville has already fallen behind. I recognize the potential for the Jaguars to put an end to their winless streak, but I’m also hoping they realize how bad of an idea that would be for their draft board this offseason—which should be their first priority. This is not the NBA. There are no ping-pong balls deciding a franchise’s fate. Jacksonville needs to stick to sucking for success and resist the desire to be respectable in 2013.

Win: San Diego Chargers

49ers @ Titans

Is Jake Locker healthy yet? Even if he does play today, I don’t think Tennessee has much of a chance against a re-established 49ers team. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t anticipate the Titans being this competitive, but Ryan Fitzpatrick is too limited to lead a talented yet unspectacular team to the playoffs. Tennessee needs a healthy Jake Locker playing at his highest to be a true threat.

Win San Francisco 49ers

Browns @ Packers


I feel stupid for selecting the Browns last week. No one should ever trust Brandon Weeden because he would get fired if he was a paper boy. Weeden now owns the distinction for throwing the worst pass in NFL history. If the Browns wanted to be a potential playoff team, Cleveland would be starting Jason Campbell. It’s a devious move, really. Since it seems like the Browns may want to be shitty and secure the highest draft position possible, I think Green Bay will find a way to win without James Jones and Randall Tex Cobb. This may be a good time to try to pluck Aaron Rodgers in Fantasy Football as the Packers are struggling to put up passing numbers against tough defensive competition. Expect Eddie Lacy to run like a wrecking ball against the brick line of the Browns defense. Even if it is not successful, it will wear on them.

Win: Green Bay Packers

Texans @ Chiefs

It’s Case Keenum vs. Alex Smith!

Win: Kansas City Chiefs

Ravens @ Steelers

This used to be a much more interesting, entertaining bloodbath. Instead of being a low-scoring affair because of their respective defenses, this match-up will likely be a bore because of each team’s inability to coordinate a consistent offensive attack. Joe Flacco is not worth the money showered upon this offseason, and Baltimore has shown to be a disjointed mess coordinated by the unwavering, non-blinking Black Mannequin (Jim Caldwell). With the Steelers threatening to put the pieces back together, the Ravens need to bury them in this game and dash any semblance of hope in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, I think Mike Tomlin is a great leader and completely capable of getting all the King’s horses and all the King’s men to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Win: Pittsburgh Steelers

Broncos @ Colts

I could write 1,500 words about Peyton Manning’s return to Indianapolis against the new era Colts and Andrew Luck. But that still wouldn’t be as enjoyable as the first five minutes of this game. Despite what anyone says publicly, Peyton Manning will be looking to exact revenge and win against his former franchise. It’s the return of the prodigal son. I would be shocked if the uneven Colts pull off the upset in the House That Manning Built.

Win: Denver Broncos

Vikings @ Giants

Is there a more dangerous winless team than the Giants? New York could literally have no one running the ball, and I’d still be tempted to take them against such a mediocre team like the Minnesota Vikings. At some point, Eli Manning is going to single-handedly win a game for the Giants. That’s what New York has to have in order to win with all of their injuries and inefficiencies. With Minnesota grasping for straws, the Vikings are turning to Josh Freeman for a spark. This move can’t possibly pay off this soon, if at all.

Win: New York Giants


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