Last Week: 6-7-1
Overall: 108-67-1

Packers @ Lions

Flynn! Without Aaron Rodgers, it’s hard to get excited about this classic Turkey Day tilt. I’m sure someone on the Lions defense will commit an atrocious, dirty penalty—it’s a Thanksgiving tradition. After last week’s upset to Tampa Bay, the Packers shouldn’t be counted out in this one even if they have the bastard son of Chad Pennington playing quarterback for them. Matt Flynn did cash in on his huge performance during the last game against the Lions, but Green Bay’s weapons are considerably depleted. Enter: Eddie Lacy. If circumstances are ideal, I could envision this being Eddie Lacy’s breakout on a national stage, but it’s hard to bet on that off short rest. I’m not going out on a limb with my prediction that Calvin Johnson will literally will himself open in triple coverage and catch anything thrown his way. Because Green Bay won’t be able to stop the Lions offense, I’ll side with Detroit due to Matt Flynn’s inability to post 30+ points.

Win: Detroit Lions

Raiders @ Cowboys

Jerry

It’s miraculous that Matt McGloin is a starting quarterback for an NFL franchise, even if it is the Oakland Raiders. After walking on for Penn State and going undrafted, McGloin can now tell his grandchildren that he played in the NFL. Unless the Cowboys completely fall apart on defense—which can’t be entirely ruled out because Monte Kiffin is old as balls and this may be a Weekend at Bernie’s scenario—I can’t see McGloin pulling out a win on Thanksgiving. How much money does Dallas take in as a result of their annual Thanksgiving game? And why do they always play a shitty team? I’m sick of seeing Tony Romo wear his hat backwards this same time every year because it’s usually never an interesting match-up involving Dallas. I’d like to swing my vote in favor of Oakland, but they’re just as unlikable and far more untalented.

Win: Dallas Cowboys

Steelers @ Ravens

It’s no secret that I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers. Unfortunately, this is probably the best game of today’s schedule, which is sad because it’s usually a boring and exceeding sloppy game under the guise of it being “physical.” I’d rather watch any episode of The Wire than this slow, plodding match-up. Let’s all hope Baltimore finally puts the nail in the coffin of the Steelers because I don’t want to suffer through another Pittsburgh stretch run. Although passing the ball will be nearly forbidden in this game, the team that is able to connect on a few long bombs downfield will win this game. With Jacoby Jones healthy, Baltimore seems to be in a better position to execute those plays with more weapons than Pittsburgh’s Antonio Brown. Please give me this early Christmas present, Santa.

Win: Baltimore Ravens

For Thanksgiving, I also predict that you will eat too much and use the football games to actively ignore the awkwardness of being with the type of family that’s only around once a year.  Good luck getting drunk and stuffed like a pig.  And remember, you can’t really be expected to talk when your mouth is full of turkey.

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