Poster

I don’t know why I allow myself to get sucked into watching these shitty horror movies. I can’t keep subjecting my brain to this awful, watered down bullshit. Deliver Us from Evil is so fucking bad that it’s not even comical. And there are people out there that tolerate this putrid product, let alone those who like it.

This goofy glob of dog shit could not be saved from itself. I actually feel bad for Eric Bana being forced to shoulder the burden of this terrible script and even worse direction. There was simply nothing he could do. With only 15 to 20 minutes into the first act, I was slumped over in my chair waiting for this excruciatingly slow movie to unfold. Referring to the pace of Deliver Us from Evil as measured or calculated would be a drastic understatement. Instead, this movie moves at a snail’s pace stuck in super glue with no end in sight.

Like any typical commercially successful contemporary horror movie, the marketing campaign for Deliver Us from Evil highlighted the handful of moderately tense moments, and showed them over and over in every preview. Although I was dragged to this by my wife, I was admittedly duped into thinking there might be something worthwhile within this tired old premise (demonic possession). At the very least, I was hoping for some interesting deaths—something along the lines of The Happening.

No such luck.

Joel McHale

Without Joel McHale, I would have walked out of the theater…and I would have waiting by myself since I went with 3 other people. Joel McHale is the single redeeming quality about this movie as Eric Bana’s police partner, Butler. Delivering his lines perfectly with just the right amount of comic relief, Joel McHale is the only thing I’ll remember from this movie. Unfortunately, this makes two astonishingly awful movies on McHale’s resume for 2014—joining Blended, which would garner a 0 out of 5 stars if I ever feel like punishing myself by deciding to write a review of Adam Sandler’s latest bowel movement.

Exorcism

Deliver Us from Evil plays out like the nonsensical ramblings recounted from a former NYPD officer. And that’s because it is. This is neither scary nor novel, which is the death knell of any horror movie. Stay away from this movie at all costs. Don’t get me started on The fuckin’ Doors either. I can’t wait to move past this traumatic experience, and it doesn’t deserve any more of my precious words.

In a nutshell: Deliver Us from Evil delivers nothing but yawns of boredom. Just walk away.

Walk Away

1 out of 5 stars

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