For once and for all, can we finally kill the Paranormal Activity craze?

No one even knows or cares whether this is technically the fifth or sixth installment. Apparently, the Mexican version (The Marked Ones) doesn’t qualify as an addition to this particular story. Why? Because the evil masterminds who make these movies know the American public has the mental capacity of a four-year-old. The initial Paranormal Activity was a decent horror movie, but it has inspired so many horrendous copycats. I’m even counting its own uninspired sequels among that long list of crap.

As long as you fill the runtime with cheap jump scares and a shaky story that remotely ties into the only good movie, these people can keep churning out mediocre pieces of shit. Honestly, I completely forgot about what happened during the third and fourth installments, but it doesn’t seem like I missed much. All of these movies melt together like crummy old toys left out in the sun that have now been molded into one unappealing amoeba of burnt plastic. This is something you shouldn’t even poke with a stick.

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension steals the audience’s money by promising to show the evil entity for the first time. That’s a novel concept in what is now the sixth movie in the series.

Don’t even trust that line of bullshit because what you see is a smoke monster.

Smoke Monster

At no point does Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension deliver what is promised.

The acting is awful and the story is nonexistent. The connection to the original movie comes through video tapes that this new family finds after moving into their house. Some fun could have been had exploring those tapes more, but the filmmakers are content using that as story exposition.

The fun from this movie comes unintentionally. When my wife subjected my eyes and ears to experiencing this massive turd, I was laughing more than feeling any sense of fear or dread. Toby the Smoke Monster terrorizes this white family just as every other white family has been paranormally tortured in these movies. Even The Marked Ones was the same—except with a Mexican twang.

Little Girl

Some scenes in The Ghost Dimension are obvious products of shooting in 3D. This is just another shameless way to milk more money out of diehard fans that are dedicated to seeing this vague story leisurely unraveling at a snail’s pace . I hope most people gave up a long time ago. There’s no reason to keep watching these movies. But that doesn’t seem to stop the studio from extending this flimsy premise. Enough with the found footage horror movies. If there is something else to add, the people behind the Paranormal Activity franchise are no longer capable of making a fresh, new addition to the genre.

The scariest thing about Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension is that this isn’t even the last installment. While the original story has been wrapped up (or not really), they aren’t going to stop. If you thought Freddy Krueger or Jason were unrelenting killing machines, then just wait until Paranormal Activity 13: The Undead Underworld. You’ll know I’m living my own personal hell if there’s a point in the next few years where there’s Paranormal Activity 9, Insidious 6, and The Conjuring 4 in theaters.

If so, please kill me. I’ll be eagerly anticipating the smoke monster.

Kill Me

1 out of 5 stars


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